The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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