Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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