mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
bring money and cleavage
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
