I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
