rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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