Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
