Duck Duck Cougar?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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