I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
