there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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