Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
