i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
