we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
