Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
