i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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