you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
