it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
