I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
