I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
