New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
