her vagine was all disorganized.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
