Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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