i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he puts the penis in happiness.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
