Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
