I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
