If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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