I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
