yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
