You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
