Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
