Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
