Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
