Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
