Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
