Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
