I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
