u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
