the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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