OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
