you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
