I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
