Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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