How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
