Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
