I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
