i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
