Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize
