I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
