We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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