You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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