Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
