Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
third nipple confirmed
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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