AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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