gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
