If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
