you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Randomize
