I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize