he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
