NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
