I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
