Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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