I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
