You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
