I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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